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Trojan Chicken

April 14, 2012

Epic? No. Epic fail? Yes.

If Judas sold fried chicken, he would work for Bojangles.  At least that’s what this billboard leads me to believe.

Advertisements can be very clever, but sometimes they out-fox themselves.  In the case of Bojangles Chicken, I think they may be sending the wrong message.  On the other hand, their message may be intentional.

As a historian, I wonder what Bojangles was thinking when they put this ad out for thousands of people to see.  While the Trojan horse is “epic,” I would think there are other stories to choose from that don’t carry the connotation of a surprise attack.

If anything, this makes me suspicious of Bojangles.  They place their chicken in a pretty box, persuade me to open the gates to my digestive system and welcome their product into my body.  Then after the meal, during my siesta, the betrayal begins.  What I welcomed into my mouth as a gift of flavor and nourishment begins to attack my arteries with fat and cholesterol.

But is that it?  What else skulks inside the Trojan Chicken?  Is it safe to ingest?  Are their toxins?  Microscopic phalanxes waging guerilla warfare on my internals?  Will it give me cancer?  Dysentery?  Epic dysentery?

It’s not pretty, but that’s the image I get when they use the Trojan Horse as a part of their ad campaign.  It’s more of a warning.  It tells me, “If you eat our chicken, it’ll murder you in your sleep!

Even the crazy Frenchmen in Monty Python and the Holy Grail knew better than to accept Trojan Gifts.

They would do better to put a KFC bucket on top of the horse to warn us about the hidden dangers lurking within its round paper walls. Bojangles Chicken should be sounding the alarm and lighting the wooden horse on fire.  If that was on the billboard I would be inclined to eat Bojangles Chicken.

I would think well of them for saving my arteries from a sneak attack by the Colonel and buy their product.  But I believe the Colonel is on our side.

It’s really the ignorant and uneducated who suffer.  Those who have taken a history course or two and passed, are likely to be the ones standing in front of the city gates urging the poor fools beside them not to ingest the glistening brown poultry.  Alas, many will not heed their warnings.

Still, you have to wonder why Bojangles would make the advertisement so obviously sinister if they were going to betray us in the end.  It seems they have a Brutus even within Bojangles’ shady organization, who is giving the public a warning about the contents of each box of chicken Bojangles hands out.  But this seems too simple a solution to me.  Surely this campaign would have never flown if that were the case.  Perhaps this is an exercise in eugenics, used to kill off the historically ignorant.  This advertisement serves to warn those who understand the story of the Trojan Horse not to consume their chicken, as it will surely take the life of any who ingest it.

I believe Bojangles is conspiring even now.  I’m left with little other than suspicion, and forced to choose the Colonel or even Popeye next time I have a craving for deep fried white meat.  Make wise choices people.  Bojangles is trying to kill you.  Don’t eat Trojan Chicken.

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