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The Honey Badger Visits the Gastroenterologist

March 13, 2012

It has been a full week since we’ve been in an RV park.  As much as being hosted in someone’s home or even staying at a motel is nice, it leads to gastrointestinal problems for the Honey Badger.

The guys bike all day, burning trillions of calories, so they are also eating constantly.  Unfortunately, not all of the nutrients are absorbed in their system.  The leftover nutrients in the guys’ gastrointestinal system converts into waste, which must be expelled from their body to prevent internal ruptures.  Much of the time they transfer their waste to the gastrointestinal system of the Honey Badger via a little orifice I like to call a “toilet.”

Now this “toilet” isn’t like a normal waste collection system.  Though the Honey Badger’s holding tank is many times the size of the average man’s colon, it requires periodic maintenance to expel the festering sewage from its bowels.  After a week of grown men faithfully filling it day by day, this morning was finally time for the Honey Badger to have a bowel movement.

It’s internals are a little different than a humans’, though the naked eye cannot readily detect these differences.  The Honey Badger has two large intestines.  The first is the “Grey Water” holding tank, which is the waste water from the sinks and shower.  The second is the “Black Water” holding tank, which is where everything from what I call a “toilet” goes.  In order to let the Honey Badger do its business, we first need a special hole in the ground usually found in your local RV park.

A large hose with a special connector is inserted into the ground… it’s sort of like a large-scale catheter.  Then there are two levers.  One for grey water, the other for black water.  There is also a hose insert, which acts as a sort of “colonic irrigation” for the Honey Badger, pumping fresh water into the holding tank and blasting out any calloused remains left inside of the tank.

The levers open what are essentially internal sphincters.  When pulled, the sphincters release the stores of fermented waste, bringing much needed relief to our beloved Honey Badger.  Black water first, then flushed with a freshwater hose, and followed by the grey water.

We had an unfortunate mishap this morning.  As I pulled the lever to the black water tank, something deep inside the Honey Badger popped, spewing raw sewage not through the hose into the ground, but into the compartment on the side of the RV.  This was most unfortunate, as I was standing right there, and could see and smell what the guys had been eating for the past week as it dumped onto the ground in front of me.  Thankfully it dumped onto the ground, and not in my face or on my clothes, etc.  It made for an exciting morning.

I guess, even the Honey Badger can have an “accident.”

That said, we got a late start this morning.  Instead of following the guys and feeding them, etc., I have taken the Honey Badger to an RV Gastroenterologist in Las Cruces, New Mexico to get the leak fixed.  May the surgeon be gentle.

Even so, the Honey Badger remains as tenacious as ever.

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